


I lost the baby

by setmeatopthepyre



Series: Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Tumblr Prompt, just a temporarily misplaced baby, mostly kinda fluffy, no pregnancy stuff, slight pre blackwing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setmeatopthepyre/pseuds/setmeatopthepyre
Summary: “You.. A baby? You want us to watch a baby?”“Yes, Amanda! That’s right. It’s a human baby, though, so not to worry.”“A human.. baby. That you want us to -”“Watch, yes. Just for a little bit. We’ll be right back.”“Where did you get the baby, Dirk?”





	I lost the baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GuenVanHelsing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuenVanHelsing/gifts).



> Prompt: "I lost the baby, but like not a dead baby more like baby who knows how to crawl and made a break for it to the complete and utter breakdown of whichever Rowdy was watching them, bonus points if they’re babysitting someone else’s baby, doubly bonus round if martin is an overprotective marshmallow."

“You.. A  _baby?_  You want us to watch a  _baby?_ ” 

“Yes, Amanda! That’s right. It’s a  _human_  baby, though, so not to worry.”

“A human.. baby. That you want  _us_  to -” 

“Watch, yes. Just for a little bit. We’ll be right back.”

“Where did you get the baby, Dirk?”

“That's  _not_  important right now. What’s important is that we -”

“Did she say yes, Dirk? Amanda, hey. Here’s the baby.”

Amanda could only protest weakly as her brother handed her an armful of what was definitely a small human. Maybe a little older than a baby. It was sound asleep and it was  _adorable_  but it was also very much not what she had expected when Todd had called and asked her to meet them. 

“Okay. Oookay.” Amanda looked over her shoulder at the van, where the rest of the Rowdy 3 were chugging beers and waiting for her. Vogel gave her a happy little wave. “Okay, but, uhm, Dirk?”

“Yes?” he beamed at her while he set down a bag next to her. 

“Where did you get the baby?”

“Like I said, Amanda, not important right now.” He shot her another bright if slightly panicked smile. “Now, Todd and I,  _we_  need to go to the casino to find the man who knows where the bicycle is and  _then_  we’ll be back for the baby. You’ll be wonderful, trust me! I’m sure you’ll have  _loads_  of fun!”

“It’s.. what?” If she raised her eyebrows any further they’d be hidden under her bangs. “Yeah. You know what? Yeah, okay. We’ll.. watch the freaking baby. But  _you owe me_.” 

Dirk was already walking away. 

“You hear that, Todd?” she shouted after them as Dirk and Todd got back into their car. “You owe me!”

The car pulled out of its spot, leaving Amanda with an armful of baby in the half-empty parking lot of a park. 

“ _Fuck_.” she sighed, looking down at the kid. 

 

 

“Uh, boss? What’s that?” Vogel peered at the bundle from his perch on the top of the van as Amanda approached them. 

“It’s a-”

“BEBE!” Beast ran up and started making cooing noises at the still sound-asleep baby. 

Vogel jumped down from the roof of the van and soon nearly all members of the Rowdy 3 were crowded around Amanda. Only Gripps remained seated on the edge of the van, an odd expression on his face. 

“So, drummer, what’s the, ah, plan with.. this?” Martin said carefully, peering at the kid over his glasses. 

“I don’t know, Martin. Keep it alive until Dirk and Todd come back?” Amanda shrugged. “I’m not good with babies. Or kids in general.” She held the bundle up, offering it to any of the other Rowdies. “Someone take it? Please?”

Cross carefully took the baby from her but despite his best efforts the jostling woke it up. “Hey little guy!” he grinned at it. “Look, it likes me!” 

“I don’t know, man. Looks confused!” Vogel was on his tip-toes, half hanging over Cross’ shoulder to get a look at the child. 

“It smells funny.”

Cross looked over to where Gripps was sitting, then sniffed the baby. “Oh, that’s bad. You think it went off?”

Vogel looked mildly terrified. “Babies can  _go off?_ ”

 

“Wait, shit, did they -” Amanda looked back at the now empty parking space and spotted the bag Dirk had left them. Rummaging through it she found diapers and wipes and she took a second to be thankful for the fact that they wouldn’t have to sacrifice any clothing for whatever mess the baby had made. 

She brought the bag over to their little huddle where Cross was now holding the kid out in front of him with outstretched arms, nose crinkled in disgust. The baby giggled at him.  

“Okay,“  Amanda held up a clean diaper. "Does anyone know how to do this? Change the diaper and like clean.. it..?” 

They all exchanged pleading looks. Martin shrugged. “Sorry, drummer. Only kid we knew was Vogel and he wasn't  _this_  young.” 

Vogel nodded enthusiastically and Cross added, “Yeah, he was small but not  _that_  small.”

Amanda frowned at the kid. She was not too happy about the idea of having to learn how to change a diaper through trial and error. 

“I can do it.” 

The remaining five Rowdies raised their collective eyebrows at Gripps, who was still sitting on the edge of the van and looking at them strangely. He beckoned Cross over. “’ve done it before. Here.”

 

 

Gripps didn’t miss the surprised look Cross shot Vogel and Martin before bringing the baby over. Even if he had missed the look, he’d still felt it. They hadn’t known. Of course, how could they, if he’d forgotten until now? 

He reached for the baby as Cross handed it over. He paused for a moment, feeling the warmth and the weight of the tiny human in his hands. It was odd. It was new. It was familiar. 

_Come here. Mama’s home again. We have a surprise for you._

When Vogel came to bring him the bag Gripps gently laid the baby down in front of him. His youngest brother was oddly quiet, moved too carefully. He was picking up on something. They all were. Martin and Cross were worried, just slightly, and it was making Vogel uncomfortable. Gripps gestured to him and Vogel seemed to relax a little, climbing up to sit behind him. As soon as Gripps was done extracting the items he needed from the bag and sat back upright Vogel draped himself over his shoulder. The closeness, the touch, was good. They all seemed to relax a little. 

The tiny human stared up at him as though entranced while Gripps worked. When he was done and dark eyes met each other he couldn’t help but smile. The kid smiled in return. 

_Come! Come meet your little brother. Here, you can hold him. Gentle, now._

Arms tightened in an embrace around his neck and Gripps blinked hard, pushing away the sudden memories. With a low growl he stood up abruptly, hoisting Vogel along with him, and walked away from the van. 

 

 

Amanda watched them leave, confused. Martin and Cross exchanged another look and then Martin went after them, leaving just Amanda, Beast and Cross. And the baby, who was obviously displeased by the sudden change and was starting to cry. Sobs turned to long wailing shrieks and  a disgruntled and angrily muttering Beast stormed off, hands covering her ears. 

“ _Shit_.” Amanda sighed and moved to lean over the baby. “Hey.. hey kid, it’s okay! Shh! You’re all clean and everything!”

That earned her a pause in the crying at least, but it didn’t last. Both Amanda and Cross spent the next few minutes talking to the baby, making faces at it and shaking random objects, but nothing helped until Cross finally picked the kid up and bounced it a little. The kid started giggling and grabbing at Cross’ hair, as though it hadn’t just tried to rupture their eardrums moments before. 

Amanda let go of a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and leaned back against the van. “Hey, Cross?”

“M-hm?”

“What was that about, with Gripps? Is he okay?”

He looked over at her and seemed to think about it for a moment, a frown warping the thin circle around his eye. The baby squirmed and he set it down on the ground, where it seemed perfectly content to crawl around. 

“Yeah. He’s okay. It’s things from before, you know? We didn’t, not all of it.”

“Before? You mean before Blackwing?”

He nodded, a sadness creeping into his features. “Gripps ‘n Martin, they were there already. Had been for a while when I came in but-” he paused. “There were dreams, you know? The sad stuff always comes at night.” 

Amanda nodded slowly, trying to imagine their lives before Blackwing. She couldn’t even imagine them  _in_  Blackwing, imagine her Rowdy boys locked up, and she'd  _seen_ that. She’d caught glimpses of it in her visions and when she’d dragged them out through the pool in Wakti’s hut. But before even Blackwing, who had they been? Did they even remember? It seemed Gripps had. 

Cross seemed lost in thought now and Amanda held out a hand for him. He smiled a little and took it and she squeezed reassuringly. 

They both stood in comfortable silence for a long moment until Vogel’s loud voice reached them. The four others were returning and seemed in high spirits; Vogel was - still? - clinging to Gripps’ back but now Beast was doing the same to Martin and they seemed to be racing back while at the same time trying to knock each other over. Amanda smiled, relieved that everyone seemed a lot happier than they’d been before.

Cross let go of her hand suddenly. "Uh, ‘Manda?“

"What?”

“We lost the baby.”

Amanda cursed under her breath and spun around. “ _Shit_. Where’d it go?”

Cross was circling the van. “I don’t see the little guy. How fast are babies?”

“I honestly thought they were lumps that just kinda sat there.”

“Hey! Guys! Are you guys doing a game?” Vogel slid off Gripps’ back and launched himself at Cross, who caught him with an arm around the middle.

“Hey buddy! We’re playing a game called  _find the baby_.”

Martin was by Amanda’s side in seconds. “You lost the baby?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that.  _You_ ran off.”

“Sorry, drummer.”

She elbowed him affectionately in the ribs. “I know it was important.”

He smiled, then paused and took in a deep breath, his mouth slightly open, his eyes closed. He looked like a predator like that, Amanda thought. Even more so with the slow grin unfurling on his lips. 

“What?”

Martin didn’t reply but dropped to the ground next to the van so that he was laying on his stomach and looking under the van. 

“C'mere lil’ guy,” he coaxed. It took a few minutes, but after a little while he was back on his feet with an armful of happy, if slightly muddy, baby.

 

 

When Todd and Dirk returned barely an hour later but wearing completely different clothes and looking seriously disheveled, all six of the Rowdy 3 were piled in the back of the van with the doors open. The baby was in Gripps’ lap, playing with whatever Vogel and the Beast handed it next. Martin sat on Gripps’ right side, an arm around both him and Amanda, and Cross’ head was in Amanda’s lap as he lay sprawled out on his back. They were the perfect if somewhat unconventional picture of a happy little family and Dirk let out an audible 'awwww’ when he saw them. Todd just looked mildly confused, Amanda noted. Though that was hardly something new. 

“How’d he do?” Todd asked them as Gripps pressed a kiss to the baby’s head before handing it over. 

“Perfect,” Amanda said with a grin.

“He’s a cool little dude!” Vogel nodded. 

“BIBBIT BEBE!” Beast cackled. 


End file.
